Tag Archives: self care

confetti rainbow

Tuesday Truths 2018 Edition v5

It’s the last Tuesday of the month as we roll through winter. For those of you watching the State of the Union tonight, may you have fun drinking games to entertain you and for those of you who are not, it’s OK to have this moment of self-care. I’m undecided because I know that it’s likely that my blood pressure will rise so watch my twitter to see what I decide to do!

Here’s Tuesday Truths!

  • Regardless of whether you own your business or you’re a staffer in a firm, you have a voice to narrate your story and accomplishments. It’s important to own that and to silence any internal dialogue that may cause self-doubt. It’s normal to go through a checklist to assure yourself that you’ve dotted your “i’s” and crossed your “t’s”. Once you slide into territory that questions your abilities, then you need to nip that in the bud. Here are 3 beliefs that can harm your confidence.

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  • If you love the Myers-Briggs personality test then you’ll enjoy reading about the Enneagram personality test. Combined with the Myers-Briggs, you’ll have a more rounded profile of what kind of work environment is suited to you. I’m a #8 “the Challenger” with a splash of #4 “the Individualist”. Share what your personality type!

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  • We’re finishing out the 1st month of 2018 and are you feeling like you’re headed for a burnout? I started a daily gratitude list to give myself a moment to reflect and stop feeling like I was on a hamster wheel. I’m making an effort to be more present in my relationships by nurturing the ones that are mutually joyful. I no longer want to feel guilty for my choices and give myself the space to be happy with my priorities. My definition of success is not yours so keep those promises to yourself.

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  • I’m usually a fan of Mondays (don’t come at me!) because it was a terrific way to see the work colleagues and to think about the work ahead. If you need help in making Mondays work for you, then let’s take a different approach and you may find that Mondays are becoming something you like.

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***Don’t forget that tomorrow (Wednesday, 1/31 at 3:15pm Eastern/12:15pm Pacific) I’ll be talking with Anna Chu from the National Women’s Law Center on Facebook Live. Come see us and send in your questions!***

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Thanks for reading/sharing and if you haven’t already subscribed, I hope you’ll join the conversation!

— Madalene

 

 

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elizabeth gilbert

Tuesday Truths 2018 Edition v4

This has been a doozy of a week: government shutdown, women’s march and a marked increase of activism. It’s madness and yet, we believe in our democracy and our right to voice our discontent. As imperfect as it is our government is dependent on the people who drive it (voters and who we elect). If you don’t work in the industries that perpetuate it, feel free to ask questions and get involved in ways that are comfortable to you. Being an active citizen is important to understanding how your neighbors may be struggling or the challenges that people face in different situations. It’s about learning and acknowledging people’s pain. Society is built on interaction and I hope that we can find ways where we can better understand one another.

Here’s Tuesday Truths:

  • I’ve shared a lot about Career Contessa – they have terrific articles on career development. Give them a follow! In the meantime, take a refresher and remind yourself how to get to back to the basics. They’re sharing templates on how to communicate via email, whether it’s to ask for an informational interview or following up with someone that you met at an event. Perfect items to keep in your arsenal.

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  • Most of you know that I was the Director of Training for the Democratic Party back in the day & my love of training runs deep. I not only advocate for more women elected leaders/candidates but also more women operatives. To reach those upper echelons, women must also work in roles on the campaigns that can lead to management. My specialization is through fundraising and it’s a skill that is easily transferrable as well as highly regarded in any campaign. A lot of women went through the field route and that helps in management because that’s the basis for how you allocate your resources. Women shouldn’t be pigeon-holed into only the finance positions and those with a fundraising background should be senior leadership meetings. This allows you as a fundraiser to understand that allocation and to see how decisions are made. GET IT MY SISTERS!

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  • I was so moved by this piece written by Janelle Harris called “For Colored Girls in Their 30s and 40s Who Feel Life May Have Passed Them By“. Believing in yourself, no matter what stage you are in life is incredibly important to understanding and being true to your story. I want so much to be the cheerleader to those women who want to achieve their own success (however way they define it). Your accomplishments, regardless of how small you think they may be, are the milestones in your journey. No one can take that away from you. Decisions that were made that led to whatever situation can be cross corrected. Be with people who will uplift you and give you the encouragement you need when you’re feeling low. Depend on yourself to be your own friend when you can’t find a listening ear. You drive this train and when you reach your destination, it will be because you believed in your abilities. Your future is yours to create. We’re cheering for you!

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  • In that vein (see above) if your dreams change, it’s OK! There are some articles that talk about not sharing your ambitions with others and keeping them close to your vest. I can see the merits of that perspective. It’s my preference to talk it out. I have a million ideas ALL. THE. TIME. How many of them actually come to reality? A good number of the ones that are attainable do come true. The bigger ones that demand real planning, monetary investment & implementation have not. Simply because they are dreams and not necessarily something that I come back to consistently. When you’ve come back consistently to an idea that doesn’t give you any mojo, you may want to re-evaluate if your goals have changed. Here are other signs that your dreams may have changed.

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  • This is a long read and well worth it. Who doesn’t want to a guide to building successful teams? It seems logical & simple and yet it’s not. If you’ve experienced poor management and back stabbing colleagues, then you understand that no matter the size of the organization, setting the example starts from the top. Key takeaways: have a plan, respect your colleagues, metrics are essential, and accountability. Easy peasy, right?

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  • Did you know that your brain has a delete button? I’ve started to recognize that I no longer remember (let’s be honest, care) about certain aspects of my job because I no longer have a steel trap memory. I was placing blame on me getting old (#truth) and after I read the article, I realized that my brain was simply deleting the parts that I no longer needed to use. Why exactly am I remembering the name of the lobbyist who handles a certain association when I no longer engage with them? The author equated the brain’s function as part of pruning as you do when you garden. I’ve always had a horrible time keeping plants alive so this may be the one time where I’m actually successful in gardening.

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That’s it for this week! Let me know if you have any topics you’d like for me to cover. Appreciate your readership and please share with your network!

— Madalene

 

happy life

Tuesday Truths 2018 Edition v3

I’m so excited to announce that Anna Chu, VP for Strategy & Policy for the National Women’s Law Center (NWLC) is doing a Facebook LIVE with me on Wednesday, January 31st at 3:15pm eastern/12:15pm pacific. For those who don’t know, NWLC has been advancing and protecting women’s rights since 1972 and most recently, partnered with the Times Up movement to house their legal defense fund. Be sure to tune in at @ArumGroupLLC to catch this interview (with the new FB algorithm, you can follow the page & then “See First” in newsfeed so that you can see updates) . Send in questions or email me. You can also get a reminder by rsvping here.

anna chu FB live

Let’s get to Tuesday Truths!

  • Did you know that it takes on average 66 days for a habit to set? It’s important to track everyday within this period so that you can see how you’re doing on a daily basis. Another important aspect of forming a habit is accountability. I started a project with a small group of friends to help me improve on a habit /mindset and it’s been helpful to know that my friends are there to make me honest. If you want to start a new (good) habit and kill a old (bad) habit, take a look at these techniques.

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  • These days when I’m working, I give myself a break to check social media and I want to cut back.  Since I walk Aurnia in the afternoon that gives me a chance to get into nature, although these days it takes more time to bundle up then take the walk because it’s so cold. I excuse myself on the technology break in that I think I’m seeing the latest news updates when I know that being that updated on the news can actually cause more stress. Here are 5 ways that you can take a work break that doesn’t include your phone.

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  • I really enjoyed reading this article from the NYT about managing your career. It’s always good to take a look at where there may be gaps in what you’ve been doing and taking steps to fill them in. I’ve been in the work force for 20+ years and I still don’t know everything. This article reminded me about where I’ve been lazy or at the very least complacent. It’s a good overview of the pieces that you need to create a strong foundation for your career to grow. I encourage you to take a look!

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  • As a person who works in politics, campaigns are about telling the story of the candidate or if in the case of advocacy, the story of those who are being affected. It’s the same mindset about yourself when you’re looking to create a career. Your success is also dependent on how you tell your story. Don’t be afraid to claim your truth and power.

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  • This is a long read and it’s sooooo worth it. When people come to me for advice or mentorship, I immediately tell them that I don’t have the answers. Every person’s situation is unique. It’s your life/career so you have to take responsibility to dig deep for your truth. I can’t help you figure out “the why” in your life. Once you figure that out, you’ll find that a path is more accessible because you are taking steps to achieve your goals (“the why”). I’m happy to help with the logistics of your journey. The destination is up to you. Bookmark this article because you’ll want to re-visit it multiple times throughout your life.

Thanks so much for reading/sharing! If you found it helpful, please subscribe and encourage others to join this community.

— Madalene

 

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foggy mountains

Tuesday Truths 2018 Edition v2

How are you enjoying 2018 so far? It’s been a blustery and unusually cold January with the bomb cyclone making its way up the east coast so we’re warmly ensconced reading, writing and making plans!

Here’s Tuesday Truths!

  • When I was a child, I skipped a grade and did math problems over the summer after watching Captain Kangaroo – do you even know who that is 😉 – as much as I enjoyed the accolades of being told that I was smart, I didn’t enjoy it. So much so that when my mom would check my math, I made up numbers as answers instead of showing my work which only made me do more work because I didn’t really do the work in the 1st place. It’s very tiring meeting expectations. There needs to be a balance between reaching your potential and challenging yourself to learn/explore problem solving. This created a mindset for me that I didn’t shake until later in life. I hardly failed at academics and my source of self esteem was from knowing that I was smart due to my grades. As a result, I became more formulaic and relied on the process to get to a positive outcome. In essence, I became lazy and also dependent on not using my talent and learned skills to delve through a problem. I was afraid to fail and it stunted my growth. Acknowledging the situation helped me to better understand myself and teach me how I needed to learn. Whenever I want to learn something new, I recognize that I don’t need to be the best. I embrace the process of learning as well as failing. Its with practice and giving myself the space to learn that I can achieve my goals. That’s not to say that I give myself a gold star for every attempt. If I’m not putting in the work then it’s on me for not getting where I want to go. This growth mindset is imperative to thrive.

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  • As a follow up to the growth mindset is an advice column answer to “Why Am I So Lazy?”. Fear of failing runs deep! If you look back at previous posts, I’ve talked about how I consider myself a procrastinator. I read a lot of articles about productivity and about the efficient use of time. How do high performing people operate? I don’t see them as procrastinators since they have to manage their time to the minute. I used to have a highly organized schedule that outlined how my time was spent. Being over scheduling helped to focus my mind. It also meant that I felt over scheduled (insert 22.5 minutes of fun time here). So, I removed how I scheduled my time and I hit the pendulum in the other direction. All of these things are mechanisms to cope with procrastinating and yet it doesn’t get to the root of the problem so reading this column drives back the idea of being fearful of failing. It’s always the simplest of things that can create the biggest of problems.

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  • Remember to take care of yourself. Running on full steam can cause damage and scheduling breaks will allow you to fully re-charge. Here are 19 things that you can do for yourself. Some of them are more reflective and may cause you to wince. Acknowledging your vulnerabilities sets you up to find the solutions to move forward. One of my favorite notes in this article is taking 100 percent responsibility for your life. All the while, create your own destiny. Let me know what has been working for you!

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  • As a political fundraiser, this negotiation tip from Tanya Tarr really resonated with me. When I work with candidates, especially 1st time candidates, I not only go through the process of asking for money, I work through the frame of mind – the why behind the ask. Most campaigns don’t go through the process of asking what values you as a candidate represent because it is so reflective. Campaigns are at the heart values based so when you start attaching that to money, you are going straight to “the why” you’re running for office. It was also a terrific refresher for me to when I need to put on my big girl pants and ask for money on projects.

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  • We’re in the beginning weeks of a new year so let’s take steps so that we’re not walking down to the path towards burn-out. Hopefully you were able to use part of December re-charging and relaxing. You are hopefully also returning refreshed and ready to go. Let’s use some of that energy to create a work environment that allows for self care and that means if you’re the boss, starting with you setting the example.

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Thanks for reading/sharing. If you know someone who would benefit from Tuesday Truths, please encourage them to subscribe!

— Madalene

 

 

happy new year

Tuesday Truths 2018 Edition v1

Hi Tuesday Truths readers! Welcome back and Happy New Year! We re-started the clock for 2018 and we’re excited for the next 51 weeks.

Let’s go!

  • In recent months, I’ve had friends who left their very stable consulting jobs for new careers. They basically were burnt out and wanted jobs that fulfilled their passions. When I saw this article in Forbes, it really re-engaged my mind about the ideas that I have in my own mind about starting a new business outside of my current portfolio. These women turned their skill sets into new careers in different fields. It’s an amazing leap of faith (in yourself!) and isn’t for the faint of heart. Remember when we talked about failing bigger in 2017? What ideas have been churning in your brain??

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  • We’re technically in 2018 and although these questions are meant for the end of the year, it’s always good to ask them of yourself so that you can give yourself an assessment of where you are and where you were. My favorite question was, “Who enriched my life in a big way”.  These are definitely not your standard reflection questions and that brings a different mentality to how you answer the questions, and ultimately how you see yourself.

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  • One of the best parts about being a consultant is that I’ve had enough experience to see a variety of game plans and knowing my role, I can develop my own plan within the overall campaign with different clients. As a result, life isn’t cookie cutter and I get to do my own thing. If you’re looking to make moves on your career these tips can help you into the fast lane. All of these things apply to me even working as an independent consultant and even more so. Get out there and show your work!

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  • One of the things that I’m working on for 2018 is to be kind and to engage in more acts of kindness (random or otherwise). As a result, I hope that decreases any internal biases and a level of righteousness that can lead to being prideful. This certainly gets exacerbated when communicating with people who have different opinions/values than my own. It doesn’t help in continuing dialogue and the more time we can spend out of our echo chamber, the better it is to understand those who aren’t like us. Which leads me to the question is it possible to love your enemies? I think it’s an exercise worth trying.

Thanks for reading/sharing & subscribing! See you next week!

— MXM

 

 

 

Tuesday Truths 2017 Edition v50

Today’s an election in Alabama (maybe you’ve heard of it?) and I’m thinking back to when I was sitting in an empowered room full of women from all spectrums of political ideology at Politico’s Women Rule Summit. Since we last communicated (hopefully you were reading Tuesday Truths last Tuesday, but no worries if you weren’t), we’ve had male Members of Congress announce their resignations, and more “exposed” for abusing their power for sexually harassing their women staff members. Time magazine announced their Person of the Year being the Silence Breakers, women and men who have both publicly and anonymously come forward to discuss their personal experiences of harassment. There has been a lot of discussion as well as heartbreak over the announcement of U.S. Senator Al Franken’s resignation. As a political operative, searching for political wins are usually on the forefront of my mind. How do we win? What do we sacrifice to get to winning? I know that Democrats are not in the majority in the U.S. Senate and it’s not lost on me that Alabama may send a man who is an accused child molester/pedophile to one of the most exclusive institutions in the world to craft public policy. I’m hardly a purist when it comes to holding an elected official accountable to Democratic/progressive values and that’s probably from years of working on campaigns seeing how we will always be disappointed by our elected officials. Governing is much more than adhering to values because we know that not everyone comes with the same ideological core and that means compromise. It’s not black and white. If women on the Hill (where legislation is created for the sake of the public good) can’t be respected as human beings and feel safe in their work environment, how can we expect that people will do the same for women and men in marginalized and vulnerable positions? No one is perfect and those who atone for their mistakes acknowledging their transgressions and working to become more enlightened people can certainly redeem themselves in society. There was a panel at the Women Rule summit that discussed what would it take to end sexual harassment in the workplace and first and foremost is ending the culture of silence. There needs to be zero tolerance of people abusing their power and people need to feel that there are consequences for such abhorrent behavior. It’s important for society to support those who have faced this injustice and to remember that respect should be given to all of us. I welcome your thoughts and hope that we can have a respectful conversation/exchange of ideas.

Here’s Tuesday Truths!

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  • Last week’s post had a very popular article about how your sleep pattern can affect your work day. There are a lot of wolves and lions in my universe (go back to last week’s post for reference). As we continue to talk about schedules and productivity, there is also a conversation about Makers and Managers. I’m a bit of both so I need to segment my days to create as well as to manage projects. When I need to do fundraising calls, I usually want a block of time so that I can just hash it out. I try not to create on days when I need to be heavy on the phones because I don’t want to be distracted by call backs or email replies. Since there is a large segment of the readership is dependent on someone else’s schedule, once you become a manager and start to think about how your schedule affects others’ productivity, you’ll be able to see how to fix the gaps.

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  • We’re heading into holiday season where you’re likely to be a guest for holiday parties related to work or your industry. In these settings, you’re bound to have conversations with strangers (or if you’re like me, then you’re hanging out in the corner enjoying the food, don’t be like me). So here’s a short video (11 minutes) where you can learn 10 ways to have a better conversation.

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  • For my friends on the Hill who are looking at their calendars and realizing that the Congressional recess is a little fuzzy, here are 4 ways where you can reduce stress inside and outside of work. It seems really weird to my industry to have a 9am – 5pm job. We do a lot of networking and events before and after we’re in the office. Holiday parties are scheduled for networking and not really for merriment. It’s all part of the work day. So sometimes it’s unrealistic to keep a routine or to get the proper amount of sleep to recharge. Know your limits and know what you need to do so that your work activity doesn’t get you sick.

Alright, friends – thanks for reading/sharing and I’ll see you next Tuesday!

— Madalene

 

 

Tuesday Truths 2017 Edition v49

Photo credit: Alton Wang with photo editing by moi.

Are you gearing up for the holidays? After last week’s U.S. Senate vote for “tax reform”, I’ve turned into a bit of a grinch. I’m looking at all the things that are being eliminated and as a small business owner, it bothers me that the bill targets how I do my business expenses. Of course, we talk about not worrying about things that we can’t control so what I can control is making sure that the House members understand that this would be negligent on their part to pass the Senate version of this atrocity. Trust me when I say that when it comes time to pay my taxes, the response in my household is “Are you sure you’re not a Republican?” because I have a higher tax rate being self employed. My husband reminds me that it’s our fair share and although we don’t have children, we want future generations to have quality public education and hey, we all use that road & bridge so an infrastructure that isn’t crumbling would be nice. **le sigh** If you’re unhappy with where this legislation is headed then get your friends in the states where elected leaders are on the fence to voice their discontent. Getting off my soapbox and sharing Tuesday Truths!

  • Everyone talks about how getting enough sleep is a pillar to relieving stress. Lots of successful people talk about being early risers and maximizing their day. There are categories of people who do best according to how they get sleep. I fall into the “Lions” category where I usually get up before my alarm and when it’s still dark (although I like to exercise in the morning, which is more a “Wolf” behavior). Which animal sleep pattern do you associate with in your sleep activity? Now that you’ve identified which category you’re in, you can also design your day around how you wake up and power down to get rest.

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  • There’s a theory that my generation (45-54) is moving into what’s called Generation Grumpy. My husband is already thinking about retirement in 10 years. While I’m a little bit younger than him, I will probably “retire” soon thereafter, probably another 5-10 years. So why are we so grumpy? It looks like the generation ahead of us are staying in the jobs that we would elevate into but they’re staying in those jobs longer. They aren’t retiring and as a result, my generation won’t be progressing into a higher income bracket or more senior level positions. Something to think about as we get older and stick around longer!

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  • We could all use more positive thinking. I am pretty much a pragmatist. I have had and continue to have my share of disappointments so I always try to find the silver lining, although maintaining a level of optimism can be tiring when others aren’t as positive. I’m still working on meditating because my mind likes to wander so keeping calm is a behavior that I need to practice. Here’s a nifty chart where you can begin your journey of positive thinking.

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  • I shared Tracee Ellis Ross’ remarks in a previous post about her owning her life. Here’s another version of her creating space and giving herself permission to give zero DUCKS. People always comment about how I turn down invitations because I generally schedule my life to fit all the things that I need to get accomplished (I really am a procrastinator at heart). I’m living on the edge here because I had a pretty full weekend so I didn’t write this post during my usual allotted writing time (see! I don’t always follow my schedule!). It’s my life and I’ll live it the way I want. No one else has to face the consequences for my choices. So don’t give others your power. When it comes to your career, those Benjamins belong in your wallet so how you choose to direct your career path is a combination of your financial situation, your obligations to yourself to increase/decrease your portfolio and how you want to live your life. You work hard for your money so when I hear about a young woman choosing to get out of politics because she can’t find the right fit, I want to hug her to let her know that I’m on her side. We lose another woman rising in the ranks yet at the same time, sometimes it makes perfect sense for a person to step out of their once chosen profession to pursue other interests and dreams. We’re not one dimensional and if you want something, fight for it and find people who will champion you. Leave everyone else behind.

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  • It may be annual review time and I gotta give a shout out to negotiation extraordinaire, Tanya Tarr. She’s got techniques and a template on how you can prepare for this discussion. It’s an opportune time to pull together your greatest hits and talk about your major accomplishments. It breathes life into your narrative of why your work qualifies for more compensation, either in the form of a higher salary or more benefits. It’s a self confidence boost that will carry good will in the next year.

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  • When we talk about why someone wants to run for office, it’s such a personal message. You may hear the sound bytes of “We want to build a better place for future generations” or ‘Our children deserve to breathe clean air etc.”. Honestly, I’m not a cynic. What most candidates don’t realize is that campaigns are about values. To get to the generic tag lines, you need to actually dig deep within yourself to recognize the pivotal moment that called you to action. Most people don’t think that they will grow up to be an elected official. It is a job after all and it’s part popularity contest along with some policy awareness. It’s also hard AF to run for any kind of elected office. Those who are truly motivated also recognize that they need to connect with voters and find the moment that ignited the spark to run for office. In my opinion, finding meaningful career goals is a microcosm of what it means to run for office. The tagline may be generic, the moment when you realized that you could affect change by running is not. It’s so deeply personal and is based on what you think are the values you want to explore and share with others. When looking at your career, you should also be aligning your goals to your values. Here’s an exercise that you can do to see what you can do to create meaningful goals.

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  • I’m going to the Politico Women Summit and there will be a plethora of fierce women in attendance. Instead of the “where do you work?” line of questioning, I’m going to use my standard, “Any plans for the upcoming holidays?” which can also lead to “Do you have any fun holiday party/festivities planned?” aka “What are your hobbies?” which can also lead to “Are you planning to see the new star wars movie?”. I’m such a big believer in learning about people’s lives outside of their work titles. Since I’m the rare bird that grew up in this town, I usually ask, “What brought you to DC?” and if I do find another DMV native, we usually end up talking about all our favorite places for (“______” fill in the blank). So the next time you’re in networking land, here are 55 questions you can use to break the ice and get to know someone.

That’s it for this week, folks – thanks for reading/sharing and I’ll see you in 7 days 🙂

— Madalene

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday Truths 2017 Edition v48

I hope that you’re taking active measures to stay healthy during this holiday season. Several of my family members have been hit with a cough that has lasted for a few weeks & I’m doing my best to not catch any of their germs! Take those sick days so that you don’t contaminate and spread any potential viruses. I think it’s better to focus your energy into getting better then you can return to your regular activities fully committed. I do try to work out when I feel a little under the weather so that I can give myself energy, but that’s not always a good idea for everyone. To get ready for the long nights of events and celebrations, we’re sharing tips to beat stress and techniques to bring calm to your life.

Here’s Tuesday Truths!

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  • Did you know that I sometimes have dance parties at the office with Just Dance on my Wii? My office and I would sometimes take a break and do the sports games so that we could reset and exert some energy. It was fun to take a moment to not think about work and then feel rejuvenated to get back at it. Here are other ways that you can de-stress for under 10 minutes!

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  • I know that I’m a procrastinator. I’ve written several times about what pushes my buttons to get me motivated. I hold myself accountable to my colleagues and friends. They depend on me to get sh*t done & I hate to keep people waiting (so much guilt!). Knowing that my actions affects someone else pushes me to deliver. If you’re in need of an infographic to help you along, I hope this gets your motor running! I’ve come around to the “done is better than perfect” mantra although I still have pretty high standards so getting it right the 1st time is part of my mentality too.

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  • Negative people are a part of life. The ability to deal with them is also a matter of how you control your emotions and behavior. You can always avoid them. I like to try to incorporate it into my life – why? It helps me to better communicate and to learn how to navigate relationships with people. I wholeheartedly admit that I have less patience than in my younger days. Which only reminds me that I can’t always be with people that I enjoy spending time with all the time. I did the avoidance thing for a while and although it did create less stress for me, I also know that another outcome of that avoidance is lack of patience. How do you deal with negative people?

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  • Life is about a series of decisions and what choices you make. Even when you make a bad decision, you’re learning from the experience and you discard the regret. Owning it makes it a lot easier to learn from the experience. I always say that I make my own luck and that fate doesn’t control my journey. Making decisions when you’re not in the right mindset can also cost you. Don’t be afraid to allow a small amount of time to pass so that you’re making decisions with clear judgement. I usually don’t need help in making decisions. I will sometimes ask people for their opinions already knowing where I’m headed because I want to make sure that I’ve thought through the angles. It’s good to get other people’s perspectives and it helps me to see through someone else’s lens. Do you know what overwhelms me? Menu selections for events, mainly because I have to go through so many pages of menus to get to the items that I know that I will likely order. It really is my least favorite thing to do when I fundraise. When I redecorated my house, I knew what I wanted and filtered out all of the other noise. Stay focused on the priorities and you’ll see how your decision making process changes.

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  • Raise your hand if you’ve had difficult conversations with a team member/colleague/manager/staff? Those moments can be challenging for a number of reasons and trying to overcome the awkwardness is imperative so that everyone can move beyond the conversation. By doing so, you can be seen as someone who has the ability to collaborate under the most trying of circumstances. It’s never easy and the more you practice, the more comfortable you will become in finding common ground.

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  • I’m a big fan of reading to escape from my current perspective. I finished all of the Kevin Kwan books Crazy Rich Asian series (definitely a fun read!) and when I was crazy busy with work, I enjoyed re-reading Harry Potter. If you’re in need of book suggestions, here are the 100 notable books for 2017 according to the New York Times. Terrific for gifts for others and for yourself!

Thanks for reading/sharing and let me know what’s working for you! See you next week!

— Madalene

 

 

Tuesday Truths 2017 Edition v47 – GIVING THANKS EDITION

We’re a few days out from Thanksgiving and I wanted to give a shout out to all of the readers of this little old blog. I take your comments and feedback seriously and have enjoyed sharing the information that’s been curated so that you can find a path to your own success, whether it’s in your personal life or professional one. Thank you for reading/sharing and giving me feedback. I look forward to the rest of the year and creating a stronger community. I hope you enjoy the holiday with loved ones and I’ll see you next Tuesday!

In the meantime, let’s get to reading this week’s Tuesday Truths.

  • In earlier posts, I’ve talked about scheduling your priorities (no more wish list!) into your life. When I worked as an executive assistant, I had to work with that person’s calendar and I recognized early on that she had her priorities (a good thing!) and it taught me to recognize that she was putting herself first. It was a good lesson amongst many others that I learned. Working in a business where event planning is a heavy component and juggling multiple schedules is a regular activity, I know that I have to budget time for not just the event but also the travel time, the prep, the wind down and so many other details. The event may take 2 hours because that’s the call time; it’s all the other parts that have to be factored into the schedule. I started using a new software for scheduling appointments with people and it’s terrific because when I have events, I can cushion that so that people aren’t making appointments with me when I need to be on the road to my next event. It also allows me to block off time for me to be unavailable because let’s be honest, I actually have to produce work and that takes concentrated amounts of time not spent on the phone or that may mean that I have to schedule my own call time. I want that to be uninterrupted. Time management is so important in making things happen. That also includes making time for yourself to NOT DO ANYTHING. Just about everyone knows that I’m an introvert so when I have back to back days with lots of people in my life for work or even for my own personal time, I need time squirreled away with just me, myself & I. That way I can recharge and just enjoy being alone. Once I get that time, I can come back ready to talk with people again. You can’t be afraid to be still. That also goes for extroverts who need to be with people. If you don’t like having that alone time, then make sure you’re at as many events as you can possibly handle. Just be present and not over schedule yourself so that you’re running around just trying to make the events. For more tips, take a read from this article that talks about managing the schedule of high powered women executives.

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  • I have talked incessantly about women competition. I LOVE IT. I think it allows me to see where I can improve and what I can be doing better to help my fellow sisters. Everyone has different styles and I love learning from others. At the same time, I have gone through a lot of experiences where I can share those moments with those who may benefit from my triumphs and mistakes. Shalane Flanagan is the perfect example of how I like to operate. If you haven’t heard of her, she recently won the New York City Marathon and she’s the first American woman to do so in 40 years! Imagine running 26.2 miles in 2 hours and 26 minutes – AMAZEBALLS! As a former long distance runner who competed in high school in cross country and the mile and 2 mile in indoor and outdoor track, I know a tiny fraction about what it means to dedicate yourself to your sport. I am not a professional athlete by any stretch, yet my work ethic and belief in bringing my best all the time transfers to my professional life. When I read this article, I welled up with tears because 1) it shows that women can be supportive while also working towards their own goals and 2) I want this so badly in the areas where people think that women can’t do the work. This kind of sisterhood I can support. It is not horrible to say that you want to win and to be the best. It’s also feasible to achieve that while helping others.

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  • I’m going from one tear jerker to another and this time, Tracee Ellis Ross has got my number. I have never been one to imagine myself married. Yes, I know that I’m married now and even then it was traumatic to think that I was getting married when The Mister and I applied for our marriage license. I may be all “Pride and Prejudice” and for the most part, I want to see contentment as having a partner yet, I’m so far from a romantic. I didn’t think about my wedding growing up and certainly didn’t think about babies. My women friends who are single, without romantic love on the horizon (they do have love because that comes in all forms from friends and family) and/or without progeny are fierce and individually they may have come to a degree of happiness in their lives, they are amazing. They recognize the choices that they have made and are content. It may have taken them more time to acknowledge it and for public sake, they may not outwardly be hurting. Embracing the gender roles that make us women are defined by society. My own mother didn’t really recognize that I was “grown” until it was officially documented that I was married. For a long time, she would ask me about when I was getting married and because I’m stubborn (I’m my mother’s daughter after all),  I would defiantly tell her, “When I’m ready!”. I didn’t want to move forward on such a life changing event to please anyone, not even my mother. No one gets a say on your life. You may want opinions and you may want people to weigh in because that’s your prerogative. I don’t live your life and my thoughts have no bearing on how it implicates your daily existence. Put yourself FIRST.

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  • Along the same lines, Lidia Yuknavitch defies the stories of who she should be and stands up to create her own destiny. How we live our lives is up to us. Allowing someone else to take ownership of it, doesn’t give you your voice. Sometimes this seems like mumble jumble because when you’re in the middle of it all feeling stuck, you wonder how do I get out of it? When you’re thinking of how life has treated you unfairly without any choices that you made yourself, you can sometimes feel untethered. Feeling grounded to who you are regardless of what has happened to you creates your own story and voice. Yes, these things have occurred and you have prevailed to live another day. Don’t let others project their stories onto you.

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  • A lot of my clients compliment me on my diplomatic responses to somewhat crazy interactions. That doesn’t mean that I don’t release my rage in some other manner. I don’t channel it to my team or to others because I completely disassociate myself from who is being childish and those who have nothing to do with the situation. Sometimes, I feel the residual affects which could mean that I’m a little more cranky than usual or the smallest of actions may annoy me. I try to remember that everyone is going through something and hope that others will give me the same amount of grace. Bottling up anger is not healthy and when I find myself in situations where I’m at a disadvantage, I try to find the words that will allow the other parties and me to come to a win/win. It’s not about conquering anymore because I never feel good afterwards about it. It’s like the scene in You’ve Got Mail and Meg Ryan’s character talks about tearing into someone with all the negative things you could possibly say because it’s the heat of the moment and afterwards she’s really not happy with herself. That’s me because there are a lot of times where I feel that way and I start to lean into that space. It’s not my style so I pull back and find the words to express the situation in a way that isn’t just about me. Empathy is hard because you’re trying to place yourself in someone else’s position. That is definitely not as easy as it sounds. It doesn’t mean you justify other people’s actions. You acknowledge your own feelings and work towards not letting it control the rest of your interactions.

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  • I want to thank all of the wonderful women who stopped by a FriendsGiving I hosted last week! We donated toys, books & money in support of Children’s National Hospital and I’m filled with gratitude for their friendship and generosity. Thank you!

Just some of the toys and books that my fierce women friends donated to Children’s National Hospital

Thanks for reading/sharing and have an enjoyable week. See you next Tuesday!

— Madalene

 

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Tuesday Truths 2017 Edition v46

I’ve been in a good mood since last Tuesday with the success of the elections. Voters were unafraid to repudiate bigotry and racism. Diversity and inclusion may seem to be buzz words for the current environment and the truth of the matter is that different perspectives weaving throughout society brings humanity closer together. We are here to respect one another as equals with compassion and a level of curiosity that should lead all of us to better understand those who have had different experiences from us. Civil discourse is about respectful and factual conversation. We can disagree and yet still work to find common ground so that we can finds ways to help society. This was never meant to be easy. It’s hard work to listen to one another and to not discard someone else’s values. I have a difficult time doing it without getting emotional and that is something that I know that I must work on so that I don’t widen the divide. I recently saw an exchange on FaceBook where my peers were discussing gun control and I took lessons from it because it was civil and the person who I sided with in the exchange was respectful and acknowledged the opposing view. Patience is in short supply and I’ll take notes wherever I can find the most useful actions. I hope that you will also join me on this journey together.

Here’s Tuesday Truths!

  • My introduction for this week talked a bit about active listening. It’s having emotional awareness and the ability to acknowledge your own emotions, especially in the heat of the moment to bring it all together. I can usually read people’s reactions and try to work with that when in a challenging position. What I recognize is that when people who are close to me exhibit a type of behavior that I don’t agree with I resort to my more emotional side and get more stubborn. I’m a stubborn person by nature and having more emotional awareness tampers some of that willfulness. I’m going to have to keep this article bookmarked so that I can have it as a reminder for myself whenever I find myself in a situation where I need to improve. With the holidays fast approaching, you may want to use it when you find yourself in a heated discussion with your family.

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  • Priorities, people – you know that you’re going to start figuring out your new year’s resolutions for 2018, which is really your priority list. When we “gained” the hour with the return of standard time, I used my “extra” hour to sleep. Starting to think about that list really helped to set priorities. Your wish list on how you want to spend your time should be how you prioritize your time. Schedule it and stick to it so that it becomes a habit. Being able to prioritize yourself should never be a question. You need to take care of yourself first before anyone else so that you can be the best person you can possibly be so that you can be that version of yourself to help others.

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  • Taking the same attitude about priorities also means that at your work, you need to protect your time. Our immediate response to people when they ask, “How things are going?”, we say, “Busy!” because it’s a thing. If we’re not busy then we’re doing…what exactly? Take back your time and make it impactful. You may not have the ability to control your schedule because you’re a junior member of the staff and you have to roll with everyone else’s schedules first. That’s OK – you can still manage your time by taking the blocks of time that you can control and prioritize the projects and work that will help with your team or your manager’s time.

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  • With so many things that can pull for your attention, it’s bound that stress will occur. Believe it or not, stress makes you stronger. It tests your ability to take multiple pieces of your life and create systems to address them. Whether it’s direct action in addressing the many facets or the mechanisms that you create so that you are working at optimal performance, you are taking stressful circumstances and evolving your actions and attitude to come through the other side. If you didn’t have a lot of stress in your life, adversity may be more challenging for you. When you’ve experienced a lot, you’re able to work through these difficulties because you’ve created the support system you need to function. These skills will help you better manage your stress when those times occur.

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  • This Harvard Business Review article entitled, “Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders?” certainly piqued my interest and not just because of the title. Charisma and confidence masking themselves as potential leadership qualities are propelling men into roles where transformational leaders are needed. Throw in bias and societies thinking that men are superior to women and we find ourselves in this current predicament.

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  • Does appearance really affect hiring decisions? I’m a believer in branding and that goes with the idea that I’m marketing myself and my work through a visual perspective as well as the work product. My sense of style is to be a little out of the box and the person who cuts my hair knows that I have a thing about not looking like everyone else. I want to stand out because I have a professional yet interesting haircut and an wardrobe aesthetic that says professional yet age appropriate with clean lines and far from cookie cutter as possible. When I pitch for clients, I want my work to stand out and my appearance to be the added benefit. A majority of my life has been spent making people aware that my outward appearance may appear to be one of a young professional who wears understated but finely appointed accessories with the experience of someone who actually has spent multiple decades in my profession. I may look younger, however my demeanor are going to point towards my actual numerical age. How do these factors increase already existing bias? It’s not only the people who go through the interviews, it’s also having diverse hiring managers who can look to diverse candidates for consideration.

That’s it for this week! Thanks for taking the time to read/share the post. See you next Tuesday!

— Madalene